What have I done?
When I created this blog in November I saw it as merely a means to practice writing, something to fill my time when I was bored, somewhere to vent my problems that nobody really cares about. I saw it as a space just for me that nobody else would see, but yesterday that all changed.
It all started when I woke up and saw that my dear friend and fellow aspiring journalist had written a post on her own blog titled “What They Don’t Tell You About College Romance.” I read it all, taking in every word, and was almost late to film class because of it. All day I couldn’t stop thinking of it, and I wasn’t the only one. By the end of the day, this one post had received nearly 1,000 views, nearly 150 likes on Facebook, and Tinder even linked it to their website. Congrats, Crystal- you are practically internet famous.
So I decided to write yesterday’s post, “3 a.m. Pep Talk,” as a sort of response to Crystal’s original post. I told her about it, she read it, one thing led to another and we ended up having a blog party in the lounge with Mikala and Steve for a couple of hours.
Then the idea pops into my mind: What if I put this blog somewhere people would actually see it? And in a moment of stupid, blind bravery, I synced the link to my Twitter account and tweeted it out for the world to see.
What have I done?
I’ve always been a relatively private person. I don’t often share my thoughts or opinions or feelings with just anybody. What if people I know read this and think badly of me? What if I inadvertently upset someone? What if people think I sound like a rambling idiot? What if people mock me?
These thoughts have been whirling around my head since last night. Granted, I could always take this off of my Twitter, avoid posting it to Facebook (not that I plan to put this on my profile anyway, at least not in the near future), delete some of my more angst-riddled posts. But the damage has been done. People have read this. It’s public. There’s no going back now.
And that is absolutely terrifying.
The only thing stopping me from freaking out, deleting this blog altogether, and crawling into a hole (I may be overreacting, but I’m absolutely serious) is because of a promise I made to myself recently.
Claudia, you need to have more self-confidence.
Put yourself out there. Be brave. Stop being completely petrified about what other people think of you. Stop always assuming what they’re thinking is negative. Share your thoughts, your opinions, your views, your ideologies, your feelings. Break down the wall you’ve built around you.
Claudia, relax. It’s not a big deal. You over think everything. Chill out. Nothing cataclysmal is going to happen over a blog post. Don’t feel guilty for what you write. Don’t feel bad for what you think.
Write. Write your heart out. Write everything that goes through your head. Words are powerful. Something bothering you? Write about it.
This is me, trying to be brave, writing.